domingo, 19 de septiembre de 2010


I have no idea how to start a note,i think it's cause i didnt start thinking at the begininning of this note,i've been thinking since i can remember,there's also no starting point at doubt,you just had been with them all your life,but at some point you wish that there was more,at least i do,i wish i had a purpose,a meaning,i wish i could be the one meant for do a great thing,or a small,i wish i was that inmortal hero,shit,i even wish i was change itself.I wish that i could change everyones minds,let them know im more than flesh and bones,im not expendable,or am i?,another person in the 6 000 000 000 people on earth,perhaps i was not meant to do a change,perhaps im just another number,another hollow face,and when i die,another carcass in another fucking Tomb,i mean im not even new or fresh,im not original,it makes sense for me not to find answers,why?,why should i?,im always building walls around me,im so protect from damage im even a prisoner of me,trap in this cold place,walking a never ending road,maybe i would never leave this place.I dont know if i achieve one of my greatest fears or i've just realized i've always been this way...Sometimes i dont know who i am,but it's worse to discover.Nobody expect anything from me,just to live,eat,breed and die,that's not quite cheerful,but perhaps i am more than that,perhaps i am meant for things,but not good things.
How do i defeat myself?...i am my worst enemy,im king nothing,im a slave of fear,im doomed to be forgotten,i really fear this darkness within me,something inside of me it's growing,something bad,something ugly,im so scared to look in the mirror sometimes,or to take a picture,im so afraid that pictures may catch a the real me behind this mask,i dont try to write my own stuff now,there's nothing good to write about,im not sick,but i might be killing me,or just becoming something else,something not good,something bad,something dark.

There's a union between the human and the consciousness weaving the fabric of self hate and at the same time self love,i think so highly of myself and at the same time i think im meant to be a cancer of this world,im am cold,my lips are dry,i'm blind or perhaps i see to much,i feel like i am so much wiser than everybody else sometimes,much more than another face in the street yet i am constantly ignored by everyone..If somebody reads this you're gonna think im crazy,or im depressed,i am not,im just so confused,i feel trap by me,and only i have the key,and this is just life,there's no light without obscurity,i am all these dreams,hopes and doubts.

it's been so long since i last slept...yet it doenst feel like im awake.

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